Last night, three days after saying goodbye to my oldest daughter and closest friend, I sat down to type a post on one of the POTS Facebook pages that I belong to. I rarely post there, but it was time. This morning it had 104 likes and a flood of comments.
“I got quiet when my daughter improved. After years of intense focus on her illness, her stability was enough for us to just stop and breathe and try to forget about POTS. But I do need to post the good now… after two horrible years of home-teaching during her last two years of high school and another year taking online classes, she’s now moved… 2932 miles away, and is living on her own in a dorm at Oregon State. She’s still Potsie, but her school has been fabulous and she got all the accommodations that she needed and wanted. Today was day one of classes and she did it on her own. I’m so proud. POTS will not kill her dreams.”
It was liked because it was needed. I remember that time too well. The tired days, the sick days, the months of walking together because she hadn’t the balance to walk on her own, the months of finding a diagnosis and the moment we had an answer yet no cure. It’s nice to forget for a while and bask in the possibilities of the future. Though POTS holds on and creates limitations, one mom wisely quipped “she has POTS, but it doesn’t have her.” She’s stronger both physically and mentally and she’s moving on. “Take that, POTS.”
It’s a beautiful thing to be beyond the uncertainty and ugliness of that world and yet… like another parent chimed, it lurks still so we fear acknowledging the good lest we jinx it. A bad day could creep up. A symptom could rear its ugly head. You just never know.
And that’s the reality. It’s grounding and scary and so we need the hope and the good and the story of one brave girl moving forward. I remember reading posts like mine and praying that it would be my girl one day – it seemed so far away then – now it’s here. It’s her turn.
One hundred likes, not for POTS, but for hope and the success of moving through the illness.
So, for now, I’m doing that. There are worries and fears, but even more, there’s GRATITUDE and PRIDE. Thankfulness to God that she’s come this far… that she’s finally strong enough and brave enough to tackle her dreams head on and pride – oh big ol’ piles of pride in the phenomenal young woman she IS. The same girl she always has been, but stronger, braver, and more ready than she even realizes.
Take that, POTS.